you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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