4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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