We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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