I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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