A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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