last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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