he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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