Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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