How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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