Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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