Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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