Nicole vs. Life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize