I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Congratulations! We have a period
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