I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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