do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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