Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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