I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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