ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize