Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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