The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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