And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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