I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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