one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Too much gin, very little bucket
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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