If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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