Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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