if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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