after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize