I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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