There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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