wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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