she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize