Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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