thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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