so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
