i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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