I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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