Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This baby is an asshole
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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