Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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