The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize