I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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