Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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