Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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