Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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