can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize