My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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