why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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