her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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