Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize