woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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