Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize