So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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